Spilt Milk & Crying Uncontrollably Over It

Recently ago I found myself pumping breast milk in the car. In the rain. Trying to shake off the despair over the breast milk container that broke all over the daycare floor that morning, upending half of the baby’s food for the day, onto the linoleum.

When I’m at a loss for positivity, I focus on gratitude and I started recounting things I was thankful for. I was grateful for the freezer stash I keep at daycare. Grateful the toddlers were around me after my spill, so I could say out loud to them and myself that “mistakes happen, but it will be ok.” The things you say in front of kids, because you’re really trying to convince yourself more than them.

This day I was feeling the full weight of all the pressure I’m under from every corner of life. I was so very grateful for my best Mom friend, who picked up the phone and listened to me talk about the lost milk through racking sobs. I’m grateful I have a wonderful partner in my husband. Grateful I have a job and love what I do for a living. Grateful for this new restaurant opening I was working on. Grateful to be spending that weekend with family to celebrate my nephew’s wedding. Grateful for the pediatrician who asked me how I was doing after I filled out the mandatory mental health survey. Grateful my Dad figured out how to use the Lyft app I put on his phone and made it to the train station. Grateful for coffee. Grateful for this body, that will always make more of whatever is needed. Grateful for milk. Just grateful.

And now some weeks later looking back on the list of things I listed in gratitude to make myself stop crying – I realize maybe it wasn’t so bad after all and I’m exceptionally grateful to have perspective. Perspective always refills no matter how much you spill it.

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